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lyrics

I don't remember when I became dissociated from reality
Or when my soul left my body
Because I'm so spaced out
My head is in the clouds
While my body's on the ground
And sometimes fog touches it
But even then I still can't see
I wonder what it's like to be me
Because my eyes are crossed
And my ears are ringing
And I can't feel the stinging
Of things that hurt me.
When did I stop feeling hurt?
or happy?
Because there's a smile on my face
But it feels covered by paint
Where's the detail?
I took a brush but failed
To leave any trail
Of emotion
That really shows then
Where did I go?
Because it isn't a thing without therapy
And medicine and in that
There's still nothing.
I still feel nothing.
And I can't say that or I'll be locked up,
But I already am
I've already shut
the door
And I can't take anymore of these
Soundscapes playing with no lyrics
Because I can't hear it anyways.
But what about you?
Where are you?
You're there but I can't see you
Or touch you
I wish I knew what was wrong with me
Don't you wish you could breathe
Underwater.
I wish I had gills because maybe I could find some quiet under there.
Because I can't breathe this air
it's killing me
And no one can fucking see
That my leaves are falling and they're not growing back
Who am I without that?
That holds me together.
My pine needles don't stay in winter weather
I am not strong.
I must be wrong
Because I long for feelings
But can't feel them and that makes
me lucky.
It's funny.
It's 12:21 AM
And I am writing this out of anger
Because I want to sleep
But that doesn't mean I can.
Believe me I've tried
But every time I close my eyes
They vibrate.
As though I'm feeling something
But it's not just something.
When I try to sleep I feel everything all at once.
And that's not resting.
It's my body testing to see if I’m still there
Sending signals to the lighthouse
But the fog is still too strong.
I'm still too far from shore.
I wish I had more
Memories of you sleeping on my lap.
I wish I had more naps
With you
Because I could feel something
Serene and soft
But all I do is cough
Up blood,
But even then it still doesn't hurt.

credits

from A Day's Growth of Unshaven Stubble, released May 1, 2019

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Skeletons Need T-Shirts Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

advocating for all skeletons who need t-shirts. its cold when you have no skin.

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