1. |
Cough
03:03
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I don't remember when I became dissociated from reality
Or when my soul left my body
Because I'm so spaced out
My head is in the clouds
While my body's on the ground
And sometimes fog touches it
But even then I still can't see
I wonder what it's like to be me
Because my eyes are crossed
And my ears are ringing
And I can't feel the stinging
Of things that hurt me.
When did I stop feeling hurt?
or happy?
Because there's a smile on my face
But it feels covered by paint
Where's the detail?
I took a brush but failed
To leave any trail
Of emotion
That really shows then
Where did I go?
Because it isn't a thing without therapy
And medicine and in that
There's still nothing.
I still feel nothing.
And I can't say that or I'll be locked up,
But I already am
I've already shut
the door
And I can't take anymore of these
Soundscapes playing with no lyrics
Because I can't hear it anyways.
But what about you?
Where are you?
You're there but I can't see you
Or touch you
I wish I knew what was wrong with me
Don't you wish you could breathe
Underwater.
I wish I had gills because maybe I could find some quiet under there.
Because I can't breathe this air
it's killing me
And no one can fucking see
That my leaves are falling and they're not growing back
Who am I without that?
That holds me together.
My pine needles don't stay in winter weather
I am not strong.
I must be wrong
Because I long for feelings
But can't feel them and that makes
me lucky.
It's funny.
It's 12:21 AM
And I am writing this out of anger
Because I want to sleep
But that doesn't mean I can.
Believe me I've tried
But every time I close my eyes
They vibrate.
As though I'm feeling something
But it's not just something.
When I try to sleep I feel everything all at once.
And that's not resting.
It's my body testing to see if I’m still there
Sending signals to the lighthouse
But the fog is still too strong.
I'm still too far from shore.
I wish I had more
Memories of you sleeping on my lap.
I wish I had more naps
With you
Because I could feel something
Serene and soft
But all I do is cough
Up blood,
But even then it still doesn't hurt.
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2. |
Graffiti
03:12
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I'm surrounded by all my bad decisions
I'm unclean, unorganized, I have no precision
I cannot see, I have no vision.
I think I'm ready for an exorcism.
I wrote a song and I called it cough,
I can't take anymore, I've had enough
of this life I've been living, I've had it tough,
these thoughts in my head, they will not stop
and neither will I.
I dreamt of a place I did not know
I went to that place, and called it home.
Then I realized, I'd never grow,
I left the people that I hold close
Now I'm back in my city and god its so pretty
I don't need your comments, I don't need your pity.
These scars in my mind, I'm covered in graffiti
Its painted over, and created something
that isn't me.
This isn't me.
And who am I, am I who I am meant to be?
Who am I am I who I want to see?
Who am I, am I who I am meant to be?
Who am I, am I who I want to see?
Its a terrifying thing, not to feel
to not know yourself
or know whats real.
Am I meant to live like this forever?
Floating through the motions, like a feather
through the wind
when it shouldn't of been like this
Am I doomed to my thoughts, never reminisce
my past, my mind can't handle reality, am I gonna live in a fantasy
forever, will I ever grow to depend on another
instead of myself
this feels like hell
I don't feel like this when we're together
you've blinded my mind, maybe I'll never have to think like this again.
Maybe I'll never think like this again.
And maybe one day my thoughts will come to an end.
Maybe one day my thoughts will come to an end.
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3. |
I cut my hair
01:54
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I feel like my hair
covers up who I am,
I don't know who I am
but I think I can figure it out
when I shave my head.
Impulsive decisions are all I know,
I don't feel like I am home
in my body anymore.
So I'll cut my hair, maybe go somewhere
in my mind I'll find
the pieces I've been meaning
to find.
And when I get sad, I'll remember all the friends that I have
I feel like a dude,
but y'all will make me feel like I am new.
So I cut my hair today.
It all just went away.
The strands on my back,
it itches,
why's it feel like that?
I look like a little boy.
Don't treat me like a toy.
If you treat me like that,
its a fact
that I will stab you in your back.
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4. |
Graffiti pt. 2
01:14
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I'm drawing graffiti with all of my friends
its the kind of art that never ends.
Creating stories, this one begins
with something that should never be thought of
again.
I'm surrounded by songs that turned into accidents.
Car rides, car crash, minor distractions
that turn my life into an attraction
my thoughts all seem to attack me
and I'm left here wondering if this is right or wrong.
Am I in the wrong if this feels so right?
I don't feel like continuing a fight that I'll never win
and so this song will end as soon as it begins.
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Skeletons Need T-Shirts Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
advocating for all skeletons who need t-shirts. its cold when you have no skin.
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